Head-2-Head Henry Rowengartner vs. Happy Gilmore

            HEAD-2-HEAD HENRY ROWENGARTNER VS. HAPPY                                                       GILMORE

Sports movies are notorious for taking themselves very seriously. Telling the stories of underdog players dreaming of making it to the top, or teams uniting over a season to eventually win the championship of their league. But occasionally a sports film comes out that absolutely ridicules itself while ridiculing all other sports movies in their sternness. These movies provide characters rising to the top from the most absurd places. Such as Henry Rowengartner from Rookie of The Year, and Happy Gilmore from the classic movie Happy Gilmore. These characters obviously have plenty in common. So I won't explain it in detail. But for those of you who don't know, I'll sum it up. They both became pro stars from places no one was looking, got noticed from the most chance occurrences, and can make a sports ball go really far and really fast for reasons they barely even try to explain. 

So for this matchup I will be judging them from 3 categories.  Comedy presence, Strength, and fame earned by their "Skill".  So without further ado, let's get into this ridiculous and random matchup. (One more thing, Adam Sandler may be bad in movies where he has his voice from the water boy. But when he can take a role half-seriously, he rules.)

Category 1 is Comedy Presence, where the characters are judged by the comedy and laughter they bring to their scenes. I'll start with Henry.  Rookie Of The Year is a sports movie that's meant to attract kids to baseball, so it has to include lots of comedy to get kids interested as baseball is known as being a bit slow.  It has plenty of hilarious scenes and Henry leads all of them, (The scene where he bats is the most hilarious scene in a kids sports movie ever.) but it doesn't treat itself like a complete joke mocking its sport. Unlike Happy Gilmore. All in all, I'd give Henry Rowengartner a 3.5 out of five in this category as he has a lot of characters backing him up for him to provide those comedic scenes.

Happy Gilmore is a movie about Golf, and it mocks itself and Golf so well at the same time. Like all Adam Sandler movies, it is meant to just be ridiculous, nothing more. And It accomplishes that goal very well, this being Adam Sandler's best movie and all. Happy Gilmore is full of, if not made of, riotously funny scenes. And Happy is always the lead actor in them. There cannot be a funny scene in the movie without happy being in it.  If you were not rolling around on the floor laughing at him at least three times in the movie, I would like you to kindly check if you are human. I give happy 5 stars here because Happy Gilmore is the funniest sports movie character ever. 

Happy takes this point.

Category 2 is fame. This one is decided by how famous they were in their prime. 

 Henry was an A+-lister athlete in his world. He was a top star in one of the most famous sports leagues there are. As a result, he got million dollar trades, Pepsi commercials, and turned a team with about 1000 people at each game to a team that sold out its stadium each game.  So I give him a 4 here. 

Happy became one of the only golfers I could name in the sport today. And definitely the only golfer to get a subway commercial. He remodelled the sport of Golf without even trying and became a megastar in the process. But everything he did or was got one-upped by Henry. Happy came from being a hockey player and became a Golf champion. Which is an impressive, but Henry started from being 13, and turned into an MVP pro-league baseball player. And Happy played pro Golf, but Henry made it to the MLB. A league at least 10 times as famous as the PGA.  Both became superstars but Henry definitely edges out Happy. Happy gets a 3.

Henry ties it one point to one.

The last category of the battle is strength. I had to include this as the biggest category because it is the biggest thing they have in common. Henry throws it hard, Happy hits it hard. So I googled up how much force was behind their throws and shots, and the answers will decide the winner. 

Happy Gilmore definitely shot the ball the hardest in the history of Golf. And the number increased more and more as the movie progressed. He started out with a 107 MPH speed, which is already ridiculous, but by the end, his MPH was up to 114. So he's going to be tough to beat.

Henry had his arm broken while trying to catch a baseball at school, and his arm tendon heals too tightly, which is what allows him to throw so hard. But looking at it, it's not that much harder than an average pitch. The average pitch is 92.9 MPH, and Henry's max speed was 103 MPH, which isn't even as fast as Happy's starting speed. So Happy destroys Henry in this category and takes the competition. 

Happy Gilmore is a way better character and Happy Gilmore is 100% a better movie.

Happy Gilmore is the greatest light-hearted sports movie character of all time.

Se7en Crucial Review (Spoilers)

                       Se7en Crucial Review

                                                                               A James Ferris Review

Se7en is probably one of, if not the darkest movie ever made. And as much as I dislike this movie, I will admit that they do an excellent job to intentionally make it as bleak an experience as possible. (Sometimes unintentionally.)  The crimes are some of the most gruesome in cinematic history, the characters all seem to be lost in their brooding, and there never seems to be a light on... ever, and even when there is, it does a terrible job at lighting the room. (Seriously, how hard is it to just flick a light-switch in this movie?) They call Se7en a buddy-cop movie, but to me its way too much cop and little-to-no buddy. 

I have lots of things to say about this movie so I will start with the few positive things I took away from it.

First of all, There are two scenes I thought were truly well done, and one I actually enjoyed. The only enjoyable one was the hotel chase scene. It was a high paced, exciting scene with plenty of entertaining action. But even then it sparks no more conversation than that. The other one I thought was very well done but not necessarily enjoyed was the ending. It was really well written and suspenseful, and it regained my interest after having lost it for the entire second and third act. 

And secondly, Brad Pitt's And Morgan Freeman's acting performances were absolutely incredible. I truly could have thought that they were actually cops trying to catch this criminal. The frustration they show during the then-seeming rock bottoms of their case looks like real emotion.  They are both awesome actors and they really shined in these roles. However, their phenomenal acting can only do so much when given the worst and blandest characters to play I've ever seen. Seriously,  Se7en excuses brooding, depression, and swearing as a substitute for any signs of personality.  The writers seem to think that if the characters are dark and angry enough, we won't notice how shallowly they're written.  

Then the movie's atmosphere is also an issue.  I get that the director wanted to apply a dark element to the movie, but in the end it just made the camerawork look sloppy, inept, and uninteresting. 

There's also the ending, as well done as I think it is. I also think its big reveal of Gwyneth Paltrow having been killed missed the mark.  She gets like three scenes so I didn't really get to know her character enough to feel emotional about her death. 

In the end, a movie should either be two things. It should be a well done piece of art, or if not that it should be a popcorn movie that provides me with a good two hours of entertainment. Se7en has failed to give me either. It seems to me that the makers wanted to make me gag as much as possible, but unfortunately I found myself gagging more at how awful this movie is than any of its gruesome scenes.

Overall I give it 3.5 stars out of ten and advise anyone who hasn't seen this movie to please keep it that way.